Abraham Doubledork Arrested for Goat Tampering

Abraham Doubledork, brother of Pigpimples headmaster Elvis Doubledork, has been arrested for altering with the minds of goats. Several goats have seemed listless for days, while others have been able to solve complex calculus problems. One, Alfred, has even begun writing a young-adult vampire romance novel, Ellipses. Doubledork could not be reached for comment.