Obituaries

Alfred the Goat
Alfred the Goat, author of the popular young adult romance novel series Ellipses, died on Friday in a freak train accident, while in town to appear at a book signing. He is survived by his kids.

David L. Johnson
David L. Johnson, a mid-level bureaucrat at the Bureau of Magic and Spellcasting, died this week after a fake wand created quite the bruhaha. He has no family to remember him, and he led a sad and lonely existence. He will not be missed in any way.